


Sam - 19

by phantisma



Series: Ages [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-24
Updated: 2006-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:50:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantisma/pseuds/phantisma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Sam's POV.  When Sam is 19, he comes home to assist in his brother's quest to come off the meds, amid the arrival of Dean and Kaitlyn's baby and Jenny's high school graduation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam - 19

When he was 19, Sam barely finished his last final exam before sprinting out to the taxi that would take him to the airport. He had just enough time to make the trip from Stanford to the San Jose airport, if nothing got in the way. He was traveling light, his backpack and nothing else. He’d left enough clothes behind at Dean’s that he didn’t need to haul anything and Jess had taken most of his stuff into her apartment over the last two weeks.

His flight would land in time to get from the airport to the house to change before heading to the high school for Jenny’s graduation ceremony…unless Kaitlyn decided to go into labor. His last check though said that everything was cool.

He tried to relax once he got into his seat on the plane, but this was no ordinary summer vacation. Jenny was graduating from high school and getting ready for Harvard in the fall. Kaitlyn was due to deliver at any moment and Dean…Dean was trusting them to help him fight the hardest battle of his life.

Sam had studied up on all the different meds Dean was taking, and consulted a couple of med students on ways to ease the withdrawal. To be honest, Sam was scared. Everywhere he looked said that this kind of detox should only be done under the care of a physician…and they had a lot of resources, but no doctors….And there was the matter of Dr. MacAfferty. Dean could get away with missing one appointment, but he would miss at least two before he could handle himself. She could easily declare him a danger and have him picked up. She’d threatened to do it before when he missed two out of three appointments.

It helped that Dean was an adult now, and capable of having a say in his own treatment. She was less likely to have the same pull now…though with Dean’s record…No. Sam shook his head and looked out the little window, willing the plane to get there faster. He turned his thoughts to other things…made himself think about Jenny and Kaitlyn and the baby…anything but all the things that could go wrong.

 

It wasn’t Dean who met him at the security gate this time, but his father. They moved quickly and quietly, weaving through the crowd and out to the truck. It wasn’t until they were in the truck that either of them spoke. “I got the girls all moved and the nursery set up last month. Dean’s got some last minute stuff to take care of, and we’ll be holing up in the apartment.”

Sam nodded. “How’s Kate?”

John sighed and turned them onto the side street that would take them back to the house where he had grown up. “Strung a little too tight, if you ask me. She’s worried about Dean and Jenny, and it isn’t good for the baby.”

Sam grinned. He wasn’t used to seeing his father so…fatherly. “Any sign of labor?”

John shook his head. “Not that she’s said…but right now, I’m not sure she would. She’s already a week past due. But it’s her first, first babies are always late. Dean was three weeks late.”

“Let’s hope this one isn’t three weeks late. We can’t wait that long.”

Dean had committed to the detox, but not until after the baby was born, because he had to be there for Kaitlyn. Sam agreed, but if it took too long they ran the risk of both Jenny and Sam having to leave for school before they’d come through the worst of it, which would leave Dean without part of his support and Kaitlyn without someone to help her with the baby.

They pulled to a stop outside the house and Sam looked up, startled by the sight of Kaitlyn coming out onto the porch and moving toward the Impala. “Sam!” She waved and he grinned, loping across the lawn to hug her.

“Look at you! You’re huge!” He ducked away from her swing and bent to kiss her belly.

“Hey, you…stop molesting my child!” Dean grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him up into a hug. “You’re running late. Jenny’s already at the school. Go get changed, I left your suit on the bed.”

“Yeah good to see you too.” Sam said as he ran past him and into the house. His father was waiting on the porch when he came back down. Sam paused as John flicked a cigarette butt into the flower bed. “You okay, Dad?”

John nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m just nervous I guess, Sam. This is...well, you said it yourself in December…it’s out of our league.”

Sam agreed…but it wasn’t like they had a lot of choices. “I would feel better if we had a doctor to call on…one that wasn’t going to shove him into a psych ward as soon as things get rough.” John said.

Sam put a hand on his father’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine. If you believe Reuel…or Jenny and Dean’s description of what he said, we’ve done this before.”

John snorted and shook his head. “Let’s get you to your sister’s graduation. She’ll never forgive me if you aren’t there.”

 

 

The café was crowded with friends and well-wishers and Sam held a corner table, sipping on his soda and watching for trouble. It was easy to believe it would hit now, when they were easily more vulnerable than they would be once this was over. Kaitlyn and Dean laughed with Jenny and her friends…their father had taken a position in the corner opposite Sam.

Sam’s eyes scanned the room, and caught on Kaitlyn’s face as she grimaced. She felt his eyes and smiled, a wink and the look was gone, her hand on Dean’s arm. He looked to his father and nodded. It would be tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest. All they had to do was keep everyone safe while they waited.

Of course, John hadn’t left much up to chance. There were protective sigils under the welcome mat at the front door, and a line of salt in front of the employees’ door. Sam didn’t give up his vigil though, keeping an eye on the people who came and went, and on his family.

Kaitlyn didn’t actually say anything until they were on their way back to the house, Jenny and Sam in the back seat of the Impala. Jenny had her head in Sam’s lap as Kaitlyn leaned over toward Dean. She whispered something in his ear and his grip tightened on the wheel. “Plenty of time.” Sam heard her say and Dean nodded.

As they got to the house, Kaitlyn let Dean help her out of the car. “I’m going to shower, get into comfortable clothes. You get the bag in the car and call Dr. Allen. Tell her the contractions are about twenty minutes apart.”

Dean kissed her forehead, a vague look of panic in his eyes. “How can you be so calm?”

She chuckled. “I’m not…I’m petrified…I’m just better at hiding it.” She disappeared into the house.

“You okay, Dean?” Sam asked as he slipped an arm around Jenny.

Dean shook his head. “We’re….its time.”

Sam nodded. “I heard.”

Dean stood for another few seconds, then followed Kaitlyn into the house. Sam chuckled and brushed a hand over Jenny’s cheek. “You look exhausted. Why don’t we get you to bed.”

She pouted. “I wanted to go with Kaitlyn.”

Sam kissed the top of her head. “I doubt she’ll deliver before morning. Get some sleep and you can come to the hospital in the morning.”

She tried to stifle a yawn, then gave in to it, just as John pulled up. “Come on sleepy.” Sam got her as far as the stairs, then scooped her up when she didn’t seem able to negotiate them.

By the time he came back downstairs, Dean was sitting with John in the living room, watching the stairs. “The shower just turned off.” Sam offered as he came to join them.

“I’m going to stay here with Jenny, Sam, if you want to go with your brother.” John said. “I’ve got some phone calls to make.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”

They’d spent the last three months planning this, though Dean only knew part of the plan, enough to let him feel like he was in the loop. Sam would go with Dean and Kaitlyn, ensure their safety while John pulled together the team that was going to help them through the next month. By the time they came home with the baby, the house would be as protected as they could make it, and the apartment would be prepared. They’d give Dean a few days with his new family, then take him away to start the detox.

It felt wrong in so many ways…but it was the only way. With any luck, in a few weeks, Dean would be strong enough for visits…if he wasn’t dead. Sam closed his eyes and banished that thought. Dean was strong. He could do this…and if he could, so could Sam.

 

It was nearly dawn before Kaitlyn was moved into the delivery room with a terrified husband clinging to her hand. His eyes met Sam’s and Sam smiled for him. Neither of them could have ever imagined this. He turned as he felt his father’s presence. He and Jenny were coming off the elevator. “She just went into delivery. It shouldn’t be long now.”

“How’s Dean?”

“Scared to death, but holding up. How’s everything else?”

John nodded. “Good. Caleb’s at the apartment now. He’s finishing up the set up. Pastor Jim will be here in a few hours.”

“Let’s get out of the way. Anyone want coffee?”

 

An hour and a half later, Sam was pacing when the door opened and Dean emerged, looking tired and a little green, but grinning from ear to ear. He spotted Sam and changed his course, pulling him into a bear hug. “Ah…need to breathe, Dean.”

Dean slapped him on the back, then let go. “It’s a boy. I have a son. My god Sam….it’s…unbelievable…he’s perfect and beautiful…”

“How’s Kate?”

“Tired, sore, beautiful…I’ve never seen anything like that. Never.”

John and Jenny joined them with more hugs and congratulations, then Dean was being drawn back to his wife and son as they prepared to move them to Kaitlyn’s semi-private room where the family could get their first look at the newborn.

 

Sam wrestled with pangs of jealousy watching them together. Dean never left her side, curled up in the bed beside her. It wasn’t as though this was something he could give Dean…and he didn’t really want to take this away from Dean…but that part of him that craved his brother’s touch…the part of him that begged to be fucked on an office desk…it hurt a little to watch them together, knowing he and Dean would never be allowed the public displays, the casual touches.

All of that washed away though when he held his nephew for the first time, his pink, wrinkled face all scrunched up as he tried to decide whether to cry or not…his little fingers no where near a match for Sam’s huge thumb that he tried to hold on to. “Damn Dean…look at him. Who’d have thought, Dean Winchester, a daddy.” Sam grinned. “So…have you settled on Daniel? Or did you change your minds again?”

Kaitlyn smiled. “Daniel David Winchester. For my grandfathers.”

“Hello Daniel…I’m your uncle Sam.” Sam moved over to give the baby back to Kaitlyn. “Well, the nursery is finally finished. Dad said he got the changing table put together.”

“I can’t wait to get home. Sleep in my own bed.”

Dean laughed. “You’ve only been here for 24 hours, Kate.”

“I know…I just…don’t like hospitals much.”

“I second that.” Dean responded, his eyes sliding up to Sam’s. “I need some coffee, I think. You going to be okay here without me for a few minutes?”

“Yes, Dean…I’m sure I can cope for a few minutes. They’ll be coming to take him soon anyway…so I can sleep.”

Dean kissed her head and gathered Sam with his eyes, drawing him out of the room. “Coffee’s –“

Dean’s hand on his wrist stopped him, as Dean pulled him in the other direction. “Don’t want coffee.” Dean growled, pulling Sam into a room and shutting the door. “Want you.” His kiss was deep, desperate, his hands pulling at Sam until he caught them in his own and slowly pressed them down to Dean’s side.

“Easy.” Sam murmured, pressing Dean up against the door and stealing a glance around them. It was large for a closet, but small for a storage room and had elements of both. Shelves lined with paper products, corners filled with brooms and mops. “Easy,” he whispered again before pressing his lips back to Dean’s. “I’m right here.” His hand slid up under Dean’s shirt, his fingers moving over muscle to find a nipple. “Right here.” His kiss wandered down, over Dean’s jaw, to his ear. “Tell me what you want.”

Dean shuddered, his own lips finding their way to Sam’s ear. “Fuck me, Sam…I’ve been wanting you since you left…want you inside me.”

Sam let go of Dean’s hands and moved to unbutton his jeans. “Yeah…I can do that, baby…just let me…” Their next kiss wasn’t as frantic, and Sam got Dean’s jeans undone and pushed down before turning him to face the door. “Dean…”

He was already hard, had been since Dean touched him outside the room…couldn’t help the tremble in his hand as he pulled a condom from his pocket. “Dreamed about you all this time.” He whispered as he got himself ready. “You ready for me?”

Dean’s only response was the way he shoved his ass back at Sam and he was grateful the condom came lubed as he grabbed Dean’s hips and pressed himself into him. “God…Dean…you’re so…hot…” Sam was going to come way too fast, but it wasn’t like they had all the time in the world. Kaitlyn would be expecting them back…He put her out of his mind and concentrated on the mewls of need coming from Dean.

“Sammy….please…”

“Yeah…yeah…” Sam kissed down Dean’s spine, through the t-shirt as he picked up his pace, shifting a little to get a better angle…He knew he’d hit the right spot when Dean’s back arched and one hand left the door to stroke his own cock. “That’s it baby….hard and hot.” Sam whispered. Dean groaned and his ass clenched as he came.

“Fuck…Sam…just…fuck.”

Sam pulled Dean back onto him, leaving marks that would be bruises on his hips as he came too, harder than he had in months. Breathing heavy, he leaned into Dean, both of them pressed to the door. When he’d caught his breath, he pulled out, tying off the condom before attempting to put his clothing in order.

Dean got his pants up and his clothes looking like he hadn’t just been fucked in a supply closet, then kissed him. “I’m so glad you’re here, Sammy. I couldn’t go through with this without you.”

Sam forced a smile he didn’t feel, his hands stroking over Dean’s face. “I’m right here, Dean. Always. We’re going to be fine.”

Fine. Because fucking your brother in a closet down the hall from where his wife and baby are waiting for him is just fine. “You should go get that coffee. I’m going to go to the men’s room, clean up.”

Dean nodded and left the room, left Sam staring at the door, the used condom in his hand. “Okay Sam. Pull this together, or you’re going to end up getting someone hurt,” he said to himself. With a sigh, he let himself out of the closet and moved down the hall to the men’s room, where he flushed the condom and washed his hands and looked at himself hard in the mirror.

The baby fat that used to make him look so much younger than he was had nearly all melted with the training and hunting. His shoulders were broader, and he knew that under his shirt he had muscle definition that rivaled Dean’s. He wasn’t the little boy he had been. Sometimes he still felt like one though. Like every time Dean looked at him, every time Dean just gave in to what he wanted.

Of course, now it was Sam who was doing the giving in. It was Sam who had promised to end this…and Sam who melted when Dean had given the slightest indication he wanted it. Sam was supposed to be the strong one now…the one who took care of his brother.

With a sigh, Sam washed his face and toweled it dry before returning to his family, to pretend that what had just happened, hadn’t…and try to get them through what came next.

 

 

It took four days. Four days for Dean to spend with Kaitlyn and Daniel. Four days to lay in supplies and organize the shifts and prepare the bedroom. Sam and Caleb moved a hospital style bed in, over layers of sheeting to protect the carpets. John installed the restraints the would be necessary in the early days to keep Dean in the bed and to keep him from hurting anyone. Pastor Jim filled the kitchen with food and supplies.

There were other friends of his father’s, men he didn’t know. One of them brought medical supplies, drugs to help ease off the pain and the spasms. There were buckets and blankets and three twin beds laid into Jenny’s old room so that those who weren’t actively engaged in taking care of Dean could rest.

Sam sat in the living room, cradling a cup of coffee and waited. This was the final test…the last chance for Dean to back out. He had to leave Kaitlyn and Daniel and Jenny and come to them under his own power. Sam had insisted. Dean had never really had choices…he’d been pushed and pressured his whole life…mostly by Sam.

When the door opened, Sam breathed out slowly. He’d almost expected Dean to back out, to change his mind. But, there he stood…in the doorway, looking scared and tense, his jaw clenched, his hands fisting at his sides. John appeared out of the kitchen and Dean looked at him, then at Sam…then finally stepped into the apartment. He closed the door and tossed his duffle bag on the couch.

“That’s everything.” Dean said, indicating the bag with his chin. He toed off his shoes and set them by the door.

John nodded then gestured with his head toward the bedroom. Dean nodded once, his jaw working. Sam could see the strain in every line of his body as he moved toward the room he had once shared with his wife. “Sam and I will be here with you the first few days alone, Dean, but I wanted you to meet everyone.”

Sam followed them into the room, watching as the starkness hit Dean, made this all the more real to him. Dean stopped just inside the door. “Pastor Jim and Caleb, I assume you remember them.” Dean nodded, his eyes skating over the half-familiar faces before reaching the others. “This is Harvey and Todd, friends of mine who’ll be watching our perimeter. And this is Evangeline, and her son Marcus. They’ve been through this before, and Evie is an EMT…or was.”

“I—“ Dean’s hand reached behind him for Sam’s and he took it without thinking and squeezing it. “I feel like I should say something…apologize now for anything I say or do in the next few weeks. I know you all have lives…other things you could be doing.”

Evangeline smiled and put an arm around her son, who looked like he was there to be the muscle if it was needed. “Don’ you worry yourself over it, child.” Her accent was thick, Jamaican, and when she talked Sam could see she was missing a few teeth. “Your Daddy here, is a good man…and he say you need help…we come to help.”

Dean nodded and moved back out of the room, letting go of Sam’s hand and turning for the kitchen. “Tell me that was coffee you were drinking.”

Sam smiled and nodded. “Yeah, come on, I’ll get you a cup.”

 

When it was finally quiet, just the three of them, Dean seemed a little calmer, but still nervous. “How’s Kaitlyn and the baby?” John asked, his eyes watching Dean pace.

“Good…she’s…nervous…but good. She wishes she could be here…” Dean stopped pacing and crossed his arms. “I’m scared to death.”

Sam got up and went to him, wanting to wrap him up in his arms and make it better, but there was John…who definitely wouldn’t understand _that_. “I’d say that’s normal.” He drew Dean back to the couch. “The first few days are going to be…fairly normal. By the third day you’re going to start to feel the physical affects.” They’d been over it all before, but it helped Dean to hear it. “You probably won’t be bed ridden until the fourth day. From there it gets rough.”

“Your brother or I will be with you at all times, Dean. The others will come in and out…but we won’t leave you alone.” John said, sitting forward in the chair to touch Dean’s knee.

He nodded, then jumped up to go back to his pacing. Sam grinned and looked at his father who seemed tired already. “It’s probably going to be a long night of this, Dad. Why don’t you go get some sleep? I’ll take first watch.”

John’s eyes swept over Dean, then snapped back to Sam before he nodded. “Yeah. That’s a good idea. Wake me up when you’re ready.”

“Hey, Dad.” Dean’s voice and the hand on his back stopped him. “Just in case I forget later…thank you…for doing this.” Dean pulled John into a hug and after the briefest hesitation, John hugged him back.

“You’re my boy…I’d do anything for you.”

Dean nodded and let him go. John cupped a hand to his cheek, then disappeared down the hall. Dean paced and Sam watched as he listened to his father get ready for bed. “You’re going to wear the carpet out.” Sam said dryly after about a half an hour.

“I’ve got all of this nervous energy, you know.” Dean said, stopping to look at Sam. “I need to run.”

Sam grinned and patted the couch. “I can think of another way…”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Dad’s in the next room, what if he came out?”

“Dad’s asleep…and as long as we’re quiet he’ll stay that way.”

Dean sat next to him and Sam reached out for him, moving him so that the were facing each other. They met in the middle to kiss, soft, chaste. “Can you stay quiet Dean?”

Dean’s grin was huge. “You’re asking me when you’re the one who cusses at the top of your lungs when you come?”

Sam’s grin was bigger. “You’re the one who’s going to come, and my mouth is going to be full.” His hand was already on Dean’s crotch and he felt him harden. “That’s my boy…just lay back, Dean. This is for you.”

His eyes locked onto Dean’s as he released his cock, stroking it lightly before he broke eye contact and leaned over him, licking around the tip and mouthing his way down to his balls. Dean’s hands slid into his hair and Sam wasted no time, sucking Dean into his mouth and working his cock with his tongue. Sam’s right hand was splayed across Dean’s chest, pressed against his heart, feeling it race.

Sam looked up as he licked his way off Dean’s cock to find his head thrown back, his long neck exposed, teeth sunk deep into his lip to keep from crying out. “I love you, you know.” Sam whispered, bringing Dean’s head back up.

“I know, Sammy…I know…”

Sam nodded then returned to the bright red head of his brother’s cock. He tongued it, while his long fingers circled the shaft, pulling lightly against the spit-slick flesh. It wasn’t anything like what Dean had with Kaitlyn…Sam opened his mouth and swallowed Dean’s cock as deep into his throat as he could take it…but it was Dean, wanting him…needing him…coming down his throat. Sam hummed a little, working his tongue and lips to milk Dean of his come before sliding off his softening cock to kiss him, sharing the taste of Dean while his hands deftly tucked Dean back in to his jeans.

“Come here.” Sam laid back, pulling Dean with him. “Let’s just lay here a while…see if we can calm things down.”

Dean was already calmer, Sam could feel his heartbeat slowing down and leveling out as he stroked long fingers over Dean’s arms and up his neck into his hair. It was something Dean used to do to Sam when he couldn’t sleep as a kid. It worked every time. Sam smiled into Dean’s hair as his eyes drifted closed.

 

It was the last peaceful sleep either of them had for a while. Sam’s researched proved to be very accurate. The vomiting started first, early on the third day. Dean was still strong enough to make it to the bathroom…stripped down to a pair of sweat pants and nothing else…but by the end of the day, he just never left the bathroom. The fever came on through the night, and Sam and John moved Dean into the bedroom.

By morning, they had settled him in with the restraints. Dean had coherent moments, but they were becoming fewer and farther between. Sam was alone with him on day 7 when Caleb came into the room. “How’s our patient?”

Sam shook his head and sat back. “Asleep at the moment. He’s hurting. Begging.” He ran a hand over his face, surprised to find a few days growth there.

“When did you last take a break?”

“A few hours ago. Dad’s sleeping.”

Caleb nodded. He crossed to fiddle with Dean’s IV. “Has he eaten?”

Sam sighed and shook his head again. “No. The last time he was awake enough to try he was throwing up.”

“Evie will be here in a little while, she’ll check him over. In the meantime, I’m making dinner.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

He watched his father’s friend go and settled back to watching Dean sleep. He was startled to realize Dean’s eyes were open. “Hey.”

Dean didn’t speak right away, his pale face and sunken eyes filled with pain. “Sam?” His voice was harsh, raw from the vomiting and coughing.

Sam sat forward and reached for his hand. “Yeah, Dean….I’m here.”

“Cold.” Dean shivered, almost as an after thought.

“Okay. Let me get you a blanket.” Sam kissed the hand, then crossed the room to the pile of blankets, bringing one over and draping it over his brother. “Better?”

Dean nodded and reached for Sam’s hand, pulling it to his chest. “How long?”

Sam brushed his free hand over Dean’s hot forehead. “Seven days.”

Dean shivered and closed his eyes. They hadn’t even hit the worst of it yet. “Kate?”

“I talked to her yesterday. She’s going to come see you in a few days.”

“No…no.” Dean shook his head. “Not now…don’t want her to see.”

“She misses you Dean. She’s worried.”

“No.” Dean lifted his head off the pillow. “Not yet. Not like this.”

Sam nodded slowly, giving in. “Okay…okay Dean. We’ll wait.”

Dean held on to his hand, petting it as if it offered him some comfort. Sam let him, standing beside him until he drifted off to sleep again.

 

Sam woke suddenly, the sounds of shouting bringing him to his feet before he’d even registered being awake. He went to the door of the room, but jumped back as the door to Dean’s room opened and his father shouted down the hall. Sam could just make out Dean, writhing on the bed. Pastor Jim had his hand, the restraint dangling from it. Dean’s eyes were wild and dark, his body covered in thick sweat as he yelled incoherently, babbling like he had that night in the hospital…the night Cassie had died.

Sam’s stomach churned. Marcus pushed past John and took Dean’s wrist from Jim. He laid one thick arm over Dean’s chest, pinning him while he forced the right wrist and it’s restraint back to the mattress. Jim slipped in with rope to refasten the restraint. Dean’s whole body arched up off the bed, even with Marcus practically laying on him.

“They’re gonna kill him.” Sam whispered to Caleb who was behind him.

His hand came down on Sam’s shoulder. “No, son…they’re trying to keep him from hurting himself.”

Sam closed his eyes and turned his head away. It was too much. He thought he’d seen enough, that he could handle it. Dean’s voice was bloody and raw, but he kept screaming anyway, twisting in the restraints. He’d managed to pull the IV out and his arm was bleeding where the needle had been.

Every time someone touched him, Dean screamed, as though the very touch of skin on skin was painful. Sam clung to the door jam while his stomach twisted and his lungs constricted. He had to do something. Then Dean’s eyes found his, and Sam was moving into the room, ducking under his father’s arm, pushing Marcus aside to get to his brother.

He put one large hand on Dean’s chest and held out the other one for the injection of sedatives Evangeline had been attempting to get into him. “Everyone get out. I’ve got him.” Sam said, his eyes locked on Dean’s as his hand closed over the injection.

“Sam—“

“Now, Dad. I’ve got it.” He waited as they filed out of the room, not moving, his hand on Dean. As the door closed, Dean slowly settled back to the mattress. His breathing was heavy, over chapped lips as he his mouth worked, trying to find words. “It’s okay, Dean. It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I’m here. I’m right here.”

Sam let his hand move slowly, over Dean’s chest, up to his shoulder, soothing him. “I have a shot here.” He held it up so Dean could see. “Now, we promised no drugs unless you really needed them. This right here will help you sleep, ease up the muscles. Do you understand?”

Dean swallowed, his eyes darting to the syringe and back to Sam’s eyes. He nodded tightly. Sam nodded too, licking his lips. “Do you want it?”

Dean shook his head. Sam made a show of setting it aside, and bringing his hand to Dean’s. “Okay. No shot. No drugs. For now.” Dean’s fingers closed loosely over Sam’s hand, his eyes closing and opening, as if saying thank you. Sam sighed and brushed a hand over Dean’s sweaty face. “If it happens again, they will give it to you Dean.”

The drugs would ease the withdrawal, but also prolong the process, and they had promised Dean that they wouldn’t give him anything if there was any other way. “You could have a heart attack, Dean…I won’t let you die…you hear me?”

“Pushy.” Dean murmured and Sam smiled in relief.

“Someone has to be.”

“Stay.”

Sam pulled the chair closer with a toe, never releasing his brother’s hand. “Not going anywhere.” He pressed a kiss to Dean’s fingers where they curled around his palm and sank into the chair. A few hours later, when Dean was sleeping fitfully, Sam looked up when the door opened.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, Dad. He’s asleep.”

John slipped in and stood against the door. “You didn’t give him the drugs.”

Sam shook his head. “Couldn’t.” He could feel the tears building. “Fuck.” He doubled over, holding his stomach. “I can’t keep this up. It’s killing him.”

“I think you need a break, Sam.”

Sam shook his head. “I’m not leaving him. Not like this.” He looked up. “Look at him. He can’t even hold down water. He’s…fuck.” He doubled over again, his feeling like his stomach was being ripped apart.

“Sam?”

He shook his head. “I’m…fine…I’m staying right here.”

“I think you need some sleep.”

“No. No.” Sam swallowed a growing lump. He was going to be sick…he fell forward onto his knees and retched, managing to hit Dean’s bucket as he vomited violently. There was a hot hand on his back and in his hair and it came again, until he was dry heaving and his father pulled him back.

“I think this time I’m pulling rank.” John said gently, his hand reaching up behind Sam for the syringe. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Sam opened his mouth to argue, but his father put one finger over his lips to stop him. “A good soldier follows orders, Son.” Before Sam could argue, John had slipped the needle into his arm and Sam felt the world shift a little. “Come on, before I have to carry you.”

 

Seventeen days had passed, and the worst of the physical withdrawal was over. Sam stood on the balcony of the apartment in the sunshine, letting it burn past the achy, sleepy feeling that had plagued him for days. Evangeline and Caleb had cleaned out the bedroom and the smell of sweat and vomit that had been a part of the place since the beginning. Dean was in bed, but not in restraints, for the first time. Their father was with him. Kaitlyn would be there in a few minutes, leaving Jenny and the baby at home, behind salt lines and sigils and protections that Sam barely understood.

Sam had helped Dean get cleaned up and into clean pajamas, brush his teeth and shave. It was like helping…and invalid. Dean didn’t have the strength to stand long enough to shower, barely held the comb long enough to run it through his hair. Sam wasn’t used to seeing his brother so weak.

His pocket started buzzing and he reached for his phone, looking at it oddly for a minute, before it registered. Jessica. He’d been supposed to call her two days before. “Hey, Jess. Sorry…” He smiled at the affection in her voice, like warm honey. “No, things have been…tense. Sorry. No, he’s better. Really? You don’t have to…no, I do…I miss you.” To his surprise he meant that. He really did. “Okay…yeah, I can do that. I’ll see you then.”

There was a knock at the door and Sam moved back into the living room, going to the door. Kaitlyn smiled at him, though he could tell it was tentative. “Hey.” He hugged her, pulling her the final steps into the apartment. “He’s okay. Its not over, but he’s okay.”

She nodded against his chest, then stepped back. “Can I see him?”

Sam smiled and nodded. “He’s waiting.” He watched her go and collapsed on to the couch. John joined him moments later.

“You okay?”

Sam sighed and nodded. “Yeah…I’m good. I’ll be glad when this is over.”

John sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “When this is over…it’s only the beginning.”

“Yeah. I’m kind of surprised we haven’t had…something happen.”

John nodded. “I know. I don’t like waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Sam yawned. “Its strange. I haven’t had an inkling of a vision since this started. I half expect a doozy to hit every time I feel a twinge in my head.”

“Well, all we can do is be ready when it comes.” John pulled himself up. “I’m going to shower, shave…maybe take a nap. Call me if you need anything.”

Sam nodded. “I’ll just hang here and wait. Kaitlyn’s going to need to talk when she’s done in there.”

“She looked pretty shaken.”

“She’s strong, she’ll be fine.” Sam watched him go and sighed again. They weren’t out of the woods. This was probably the harder part for Dean. Dealing with all the emotion and the compulsions that the drugs only masked. There were things he hadn’t told his father, things between him and Dean. Sam had gone over the room repeatedly, removing things Dean could use to hurt himself…because that would happen first.

Then would come the begging for Sam to do it for him. To be his Tony. To fuck him so hard that it wiped everything else away. Problem was, Sam wasn’t sure he’d be able to say no. Not when he wanted the same thing so badly it hurt.


End file.
